I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Text me some of your sweat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
