Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize