I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
