It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
