My sheets look like a crime scene.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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