Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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