His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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