I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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