I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
