you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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