Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
