dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
