i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
