You smell like a Billy Joel song
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
