Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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