everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
