She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
