He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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