I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
