Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
