so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
