I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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