in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize