can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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