the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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