You smell like a Billy Joel song
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
