Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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