Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
