Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
