I can tuck mytits in my pants
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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