You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
