You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
