took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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