The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
