I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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