I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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