People in love make me want to vomit
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
