What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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