is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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