he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
