your parents love me but you hate me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
