umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
