Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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