Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
