I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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