Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
