Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
