You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
