After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
