My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
