my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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