Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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