who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
