I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
