Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
