We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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