and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
