My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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