Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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