she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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