I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
