I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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