oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
