I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
