My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
