I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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