I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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