You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
