i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
