My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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