I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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