We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
