I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
