I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize