He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
