I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
