I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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