Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
