Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
