I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
