So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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